Date : Monday, May 24, 2010
Time : 4:28 AM
Title : critical

I don't know what's happening in the world now. It seems like every single thing that is happening is affecting me. Sometimes you did something wrong, NOT ON PURPOSE. What can you do? What, create a time machine and rewind back to make amendments? No please. Whatever you did, will not change. I admit that I'm someone who runs away from reality when I make mistakes. The thought of being blamed or being punished etc is not something that one might not be able to tolerate. The only thing you can do is to face up and say you regretted. What else can you do? Commit suicide? That came into my mind before. BUT THINK. What will you benefit by killing yourself? Well, the only benefit is that you end your life and let your family clear up the mess for you that YOU'VE DONE. Is it fair? NO. When feel very upset, definitely feel like dying and I believe that many of us had thought of dying. I have many friends who tells me that they wanna die, they're not happy with their lives now. They hate everything.
Another thing, relationships. WA this is a killer man. You might be having a boyfriend/girlfriend and you're jealous. Come on, It's something very very common but people just solve it in a very difficult way. I don't understand why but yet I understand how it feels to be jealous. Not that I was once jealous but I know how it feels by the way how my friends tells me how they feel. Every single thing they tell me, very detailed and the tone that they speak. It's very obvious. This is something which is very difficult to hide. I'm now the middle of EVERYTHING. It's like I was the one who caused more problems, more misunderstandings. I'm being sandwiched. Really. And it's really hard to solve many problems at a go and I know that there will be more coming SOON.
Whenever I say something positive, you will response with something negative. If this continue, what am I suppose to do? Response with another positive reply and let all this nonsense carry on?
Your will not realise how stupid we were until all this damn thing stops. When there's an easier way to solve the problem, your don't want to. You just chose to end it with torture.
I just want every single problem to end damn quickly because I'm being sandwiched and this is something I really really cannot stand it because I don't like to lie. Who does? And I don't want any r/s or friendship to turn into a disaster because of ME. I will never ever want that or even let that kind of thing to happen. I.WILL.NOT.LET.IT.HAPPEN. I.WILL.DO.WHATEVER.IT.TAKES.TO.CHANGE.EVERYTHING.FOR.THE.BETTER. I will.

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